Does the idea of an affair saving your marriage sound bizarre to you? Although it is not the most desirable thing, it can sometimes be a lifesaver for marriage heading towards a dead end.
We live in a society that gives a predominant consideration to fidelity and monogamous marriage. It is the right way of enforcing some level of discipline in marital relationships.
However, family therapists and counselors are of a different opinion. Most of us know that the “happily married” phrase does not last for many days. Most marriages soon end up being prisons for both husband and wife as family responsibilities take the lead over love.
So, what if you are in a relationship that is just perfect, but you feel you are not getting your partners’ attention and love, be it the emotional support or physical intimacy?
It’s common for most marriages to get into monotony soon after your priorities shift.
Does that mean it is the end of the road for the relationship? Is there a way to bring back the lost spark in your married life? Sex therapists believe that having an affair can probably save a marriage from divorce or silent misery of putting up.
This is a somewhat controversial subject in our society that is more driven by the puritan culture.
However, the physical need is like any of our basic needs that have to be satisfied.
Lack of sex in marriage can not only affect the husband and wife, but it can also create a hostile environment for all in the family. Frustrations can take up new ways to sneak into happiness and destroy the calm atmosphere at home.
Let’s take a look at how an affair can save your marriage.
Affairs give you access to what you want without the burden of emotional bondage or commitment
Though most people swear to stay in a sexless marriage for a long time and also consider counseling to get back the spark in your lives, they definitely would love to explore this unchecked territory.
This way, the partners get the physical intimacy they are craving without any financial or emotional bondage. It is a win-win situation if you look at it with a progressive mind. It reduces your frustrations; there brings about some harmony in the family.
An ideal way to keep your marriage going
If you do not have any intentions to let go of your partner just because your physical needs are not met, then affairs can be game-changers for your relationship. If you get what you were looking from your partner outside marriage without the burden of commitment, then you will be at peace with yourself.
This will change your attitude towards your spouse. Even if there is an argument or fight, you will tend to be a bit sober because you will have a guilty feeling. Thereby this will reduce the possibilities of the arguments snowballing into huge fights.
A blessing in disguise for marriage headed for divorce
If you do not want to be burden with the financial and emotional difficulties of a divorce, try to keep affairs as your solace to soothe that searing soul in you. Today you have a multitude of online dating websites exclusively for married people.
These are no strings attached to sexual relations, which often result in some good friendships. Though it is no doubt illicit, it is much better than going through the divorce ordeal and the torture from the society after that.
Married but dating online for safer means of having affairs
These relationships will not result in long term commitments as both parties involved will have their respective families to return to.
Neither of them even considers leaving their families for what so reason ever. So, it is rather a safe game for both as it will not result in any long-term attachment. But if it does develop, then it is purely because you felt you no longer want to stay in the marriage.
Helps to avoid cases of sexual harassment at the workplace
The idea of online dating for those deprived of sex in marriage will help in a great way to reduce the incidents of workplace harassment as people will find other safer means of getting their needs satisfied. Since dating websites provide for confidentiality and anonymity, you need not be worried about answering anybody.
Affairs are an escape in case of trapped relationships
When people feel burdened by the emotional bondage and are not ready to forego their marriages, there should be a way to vent out their feelings. While women often feel their husbands neglect them, all they need is a bit of attention, some appreciation, and the feeling of being wanted. Some users specifically state their wants on online dating websites.
It may be meaningful conversations with like-minded people or crave for physical intimacy, and so on. If you can get this outside your marriage, it is sure not to have any negative effects on your marriage. If you look at the online dating websites for married, both men and women are more open to having friendly talks and exchanges before proceeding to the forbidden territory.
It all points to the fact that they are looking for a relationship outside marriage simply because they don’t feel like they are heard or wanted in the way they like to. After all the years in a marriage, neither do they have the time or patience to explain to their spouse what they want.
Affairs can also find answers to questions on why your marriage is not a happy one
Affairs can no doubt leave the person with a feeling of guilt and why he is continuing the relationship. This might more often lead to partners opening up on what is missing in their marriage, and both can work towards not making the same mistakes again.
Women in extramarital affairs feel more empowered
They feel they can balance their marriage in a better way as they get, they want to be satisfied in the other relationship. So that feeling of not being wanted no longer exists in their mind. Of course, it is not the best remedy to a failed marriage; however, it can help alleviate the tensions, so you are not continually nagging your partner.
Be respectful of your spouse and do not blame him/her for the affair
Affair is always not related to infidelity.
It may or may not be because of your spouse, but whatsoever be the reason, never play the blame game.
It was you who decided to go on for the affair and not that you were forced into it. If you ever get a feeling that your spouse is getting to know the affair, be honest with him/her. She deserves an explanation or apology. Open communication can many times solve the problem in your marriage.
Invest time and efforts in making your spouse understand what went wrong
Even though all of us know that extramarital affairs exist among us, it is always reasonably challenging for the spouse to come to terms with it. So, if at all you are caught, please give a very detailed explanation to your spouse on how, why, and when it happened.
Allow your spouse to process all the information you have been hiding. Remember, you have spent so much time and effort to hide facts from your better half, now you have to give your spouse that time to help decide whether to go ahead with the marriage or head for divorce.
Also, remind yourself that you do not have to say in this. The decision is entirely one that your spouse should take.
Some couples have survived this acid test of their relationships and continue to adhere to the rules of a happy marriage. This needs a lot of reassurance from both partners that they will leave no stone unturned to make sure their marriage does not end in an unhappy experience.
You need to know if all the efforts and time are worth it. Marriage is not something that happens every day; affairs can happen anytime. If you have had your fun time and wish to get back to your family, it is time you open up to your spouse.
It may sometimes lead you to the legal path, but if luck favors, you might still win the love of your long-time partner as she/he might realize the drawbacks in the relationship.
We have given you the common ways on how affairs can save your marriage but do not preach it as the best practice. Even if you were cheating on your partner, you would not easily digest the idea of you being in the same place as your spouse.
It is difficult to come to terms with infidelity, no matter how progressive our society gets.
Always and always try to bring back the spark in your relationship by having honest conversations, and if you still do not get it, you at least know that you tried and it did not work.