Women who are dating married men often walk a tightrope. They must balance not only their personal needs but also of the person they are involved with. Such relationships often turn out to be a nerve-racking experience for most women.
They go through an emotional rollercoaster, experiencing a myriad of feelings like joy, excitement, loneliness, abandonment, and rejection. Women find themselves in such a hopeless situation primarily because they fail to understand what their partners expect from them- physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
There is a constant tussle between the two women in such an arrangement. Often it is the married woman who wields more psychological power over the other. Due to this imbalance, either one or both the women are uncertain about their role in the relationship.
Here are 14 pieces of advice exclusively for women who are dating a married man. It will help you enjoy your affair while still maintaining your sense of self-esteem and pride.
1. Be discreet
Discretion is the ultimate watchword. When you are dating a married man, it is imperative to maintain discretion to avoid people from getting hurt. Be careful about what you share with your friends and what you post on social media.
You also need to be careful about picking a place to meet. Being seen together can raise many eyebrows and lead to an unpleasant situation.
2. Don’t compete
Do not compete with his wife. If you do, you will be digging a hole for yourself. Your partner will ultimately get tired of the power struggle and leave. Also, quit stalking his wife on social media or ask your friends to snoop on her for you. You have to accept and respect the wife if you wish to prolong your affair.
You must handle the relationship with maturity. There should be an unspoken understanding between you and your partner. While he must understand that he has to strike a fine balance between taking care of his wife and family and nurturing his relationship with you, you also need to understand that when he is with you, he will need to check on his family, take his wife’s call or rush home early.
Give your partner peace of mind by not trying to compete with his wife.
3. Set a schedule
Drawing up a schedule with your partner will help keep you sane. It will spare you the despair of wondering if today is the day you are going to be together.
Just planning the schedule is not enough. Sticking to it is also important. Also, don’t ask for more. So if you both decide on seeing each other on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, then that is all you get.
However, you cannot get too angry with him if he sometimes fails to show up due to his other commitments. He does have a wife remember!
4. Have a life
As a married man, it may be difficult for him to make time for you. But that does not mean you must wait for him to be available. It is foolish to invest your whole life on your married partner.
It is important to nurture your life outside this relationship too! Indulge yourself in activities that you like doing—for example, pursuing a hobby, excelling in your job, joining a gym, etc.
5. Take a holiday
Meeting in sleazy bars and hotel rooms can become quite a discomfort. A long weekend will allow you to spend time together without the fear of getting caught.
A weekend getaway will also give you both the freedom to behave like a normal couple. Holding hands, watching the sunset, romantic candlelight dinners are some of the other perks of a weekend escapade.
6. Build your friends circle
Being involved with a married man can leave you with many conflicting feelings. You may feel happy that you have found someone to love and love you back but be guilt-ridden the very next minute.
Hence, it is extremely important to have a set of people who can comfort you. It is also necessary to nurture your friendship with these people. So, don’t cancel your plans with your buddies just because he is available for the day!
7. Think before you call
He is a married man and thus does not live alone. You might break his marriage if you call him incessantly. He is not your boyfriend. You must control yourself and exercise restraint while calling him.
It is safer if he initiates the call when he is at home, as he will be a better judge of the situation. If it is an emergency, send a message or let the phone ring 3-4 times and then cut the call. He will get the hint and call you back.
8. Be understanding
Understanding is required for any relationship to be successful. But it is required more when you are in a relationship with a married man. You must understand that he has a wife and probably children to support. Therefore, his time and money will mostly be used for the wellbeing of his family first. So, you must bear with him if he does not support you financially as much as you want.
You must respect your married partner just as you would respect your boyfriend. You cannot make him feel that you are doing him a favor by dating him despite his marital status. You knew what you were getting into. Therefore, neither of you must feel like they are doing each other any favor by being in the relationship.
If you care about this relationship, you will have to be supportive of his family and his responsibilities towards them.
9. Keep your distance
No matter how happy you are and want to flaunt your relationship- you can’t! You need to keep your distance. Taking intimate pictures in public is a strict no-no.
You must bear in mind that you are secret, and your relationship must be kept under wraps. Hence no matter how much you want it, your married partner is not going to risk his family knowing about you by acknowledging your presence in his life in public.
Stick to your lane and enjoy the time that you spend together.
10. The wife will stay
Only a small percentage of men leave their wives to be with the person they were having an affair with. The financial implications of a divorce, the legal troubles, loss of family man image are some of the deterrents that stop men from seeking a divorce.
So, if you are looking for a long time commitment from him, then you should move on. However, if you are only looking at a casual relationship and don’t mind the existence of a wife, you can continue to date a married man.
11. Be ready to move on
It is difficult for most affairs to survive in the long run. So, you must prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario. Don’t be the crazy woman who threatens to expose their affair when the man decides to end it.
Statistically, speaking majority of women forgive their cheating husbands. So, by exposing the affair, you gain nothing except humiliating yourself in front of everyone.
So, when its over, it is over. Dust yourself up and keep moving on!
12. Do not sacrifice yourself
Think like a man. Men generally center their world only around themselves, whereas women focus all their energy on the man in their lives.
Be practical. You can sympathize or even empathize with your married partner. However, never take on his problems or sacrifice yourself. Lend him a shoulder to lean on and let him sort his problems out. Do not offer him your money and empty your bank account.
Explore the world, go out with friends, try new cuisines, and do things that make you feel alive instead of sitting around waiting for him.
13. Keep your options open
Your relationship can never be exclusive if you are dating a married person. He is already taken- remember! So, you don’t have to go on a guilt trip whenever you head out to a party.
The future of such relationships often lay on rocky and uncertain grounds. Therefore, having a fantastic life that extends beyond the scope of this relationship will be healthy and comforting for you.
So, don’t cut yourself off from your friends. Go on dates and explore your options.
14. Get a reality check
If you are currently the other person in someone’s life, it is time to ask yourself if you are happy with how things are the moment.
If yes, then you can leave things in its blissful state. If not, you need to get yourself out of this relationship.
Dating a Married Man is Complicated
Love is not always black and white. It sometimes falls in the grey zone. Some of us do fall in love with people who are not available. If you are in love with a married man, these tips will surely help you stay away from the common pitfalls of such precarious relationships.