Do Affairs Ever Work?

Feeling torn between two lovers can be agonizing besides having the guilt and fear of being discovered. At this point, it is inevitable that sooner or later, one of the relationships has to end for the other to thrive. Deciding which one to let go maybe a painful experience.

This makes you wonder whether relationships that start off with an affair will actually succeed. Despite the lingering stigma, some of the worlds most admired couples met in a similar circumstance. Consider Prince Charles and Camilla or Melanie Griffiths and Antonio Banderas.

So, what makes the difference between a couple that starts with an affair and lasts, and the one that doesn’t? Starting a relationship does not necessarily mean you are in a relationship. Whether couples can prevent history from repeating itself depends on a number of factors.

Let me break this down for you with concrete reasons for and against on whether an affair can work out in the end. It is best for you and me to focus on the good and the bad if an affair is to succeed. By succeeding, I mean the couples ending up together after an affair.

Meet someone who understands you

Part of the reason most people enter into an affair is that they are unhappy with their former partners. Unhappiness could stem from them not meeting their bodily desires or emotional needs. So going for an affair is like getting to know someone you virtually need.

Someone who understands you when you are together makes your time to be filled with joy and excitement. You get what you need and you are excited about it. Relationships that were wrong from the start are very hard to repair. Meeting someone who is mature and has learned how to have a healthy relationship can be good for a promising future together.

Finding someone who is attractive and can command your respect.  A person who is genuinely caring for you can be a catalyst for a long and healthy relationship. Natural attraction should be reciprocated so that partners can feel loved and cared for.

It is advisable that you separate the question of whether you want to end things with your current partner from whether you want to have a relationship with the new person. If this becomes intolerable to you, seek a family professional. This is a road less traveled but with the richest rewards.

Someone who begins an affair after being mistreated and neglected is a better bet for finding long-term happiness with the person she is in an affair with. This can quickly turn tables around and make that affair a long-term relationship that could end in marriage.

People do make it through, but it takes a lot of effort and time to pull this off.

Be clear

If you start off as an affair couple, be clear with your partner about why your previous relationship didn’t work out. Why did you choose to have an affair? You need to be certain that history will not repeat itself in your current affair.

Get to the root of infidelity before you jump into an affair. This will reduce the chances of exiting the current relationship prematurely. The difference is really what drove the first affair. If you let things out before you actually have an affair, the better.

The main ingredient for those seeking to turn an unhealthy affair into a healthy affair is by having a candid discussion on the origin of the affair. Take some time to reflect why your last relationship didn’t work out. Ask yourself how you will do it differently this time around.

Pitfalls of having an affair

Most affairs feel like rebound relationships. You only want what is urgent to you at that moment. A need can be so urgent such that a thoughtful process of getting to know someone and assessing the bonding process is ruled out. These relationships can have fantasies along with them. These fantasies could cloud one’s mind and vision.

Many affair relationships fail because it can be quite difficult to trust someone who has started the relationship by being deceitful and unfaithful to someone else. This type of betrayal can haunt even the best of affair relationships. Either party could soon engage in infidelity.

Who are you dealing with?

The fact is that in most affairs, you are dealing with a cheater and cheaters are more than often liars. The fact remains that both of you are escaping something to avoid reality. Someone that is lying to their spouse will not have much trouble lying to you again.

While affairs seem dangerous and exciting, the upsides can be equally replaced by downsides that could turn ugly. You’d wish you hadn’t tried it in the first place. The problem with such affairs is that you will end up single all through.

Men are known to be quick to settle down with new partners. They don’t necessarily get to know the person that well. This is another reason why it might not work out in the end.


Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Couples who met through an affair find it harder to trust each other than those trying to make a relationship work after one has betrayed the other. Infidelity in this affairs will be common.

The odds are against these affairs. They collapse under the weight of frustration and unrealized expectations. The affair ends up in pain and frustration. Never use your affair as an exit strategy. Your life will be thrown into chaos.

Social stigma

Family members often times side with the betrayed spouse and refuse to accept the affair partner into their lives. It will be an embarrassment and a burden on the relationship. Your children might actually not accept your new partner. They will most likely hold this against you by all means.

You will feel tremendous guilt over what you’ve done even if at some levels you might feel justified that it was the right thing to do. The more you enjoy the battle of wrecking and escaping marriages, the less likely you will enjoy the business as usual in your new relationship. The general rule is that, if spouses cheat once, they will cheat again. It’s only the reason for cheating that will make a difference.